Always the one
by jeehye
Summary: Heeey,Ken's wanted again @_@;


always the one... [1/?]  
  
started : Tuesday, August 28, 2001 - 11:30 pm.   
finished : Tuesday, August 28, 2001 - 3:00 am.   
  
disclaimer : "The Flame" belongs to it's respectful owners (Nick Grahm and Bob Mitchell) and I do not own it. I also do not own any the Weiß boys (as much as many of us WISH we do…::sigh::) Right now, I can't really think of any other disclaimers that need to be stated, but if there are any that I missed, then who ever, and whatever, I missed belongs to its rightful owner and creator. ^__^  
  
front note : I know I know, this is kinda angsty T_T; but I wanted to try my hand at writing a sad story instead of a sexy story. .; I also wanted to try my way inside iceman's brain…heh so there is a lot of thinking, not much talking! Sorry for any OOC'ness (which there is plenty, I assure you!) But then again, I was tired of hearing Ken chasing Aya. And now! On with the story! Please don't hurt me.   
  
side note : BTW, "The Flame" is sung by PENICILLIN, a very good J-Rock band, and I think that everyone out there should download (or buy ^_^) the song "Crash" by them.  
  
key : sorry, they're a little different from my other story, if anyone bothered to read that one ^__^  
//…// flashback speaking.   
"…" quotes, or plain speaking (the usual)  
(…) side notes  
'…' character thoughts  
  
Author: Liz  
Email: Lariya1223@aol.com  
Title: always the one… [1/1]  
Type: Songfic and One-shot  
Teaser: Aya wants Ken back…but what if Ken doesn't want Aya?  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: The Weiß boys' jobs and meeting of Ken and Ran  
Warnings: Very light and slight Shounen ai, Angst, extreme OOC'ness  
Keywords For Your Fic: Aya/Ken, Ken/Yoji  
  
'another night slowly closes in  
and i feel so lonely  
touchin' me feezin' on my skin  
i pretend you still own me  
i'm going crazy i'm losing sleep  
i'm in too far i'm in way too deep over you  
i can't believe you're gone'  
  
Aya stood in the corner of the flower shop, surveying the area with a watchful eye. He stood in the shadows, 'watering' some flowers. He watched as the wind wrapped itself around the wind chimes, instigating a small and soft ring from them. They were so manipulate-able. One small burst of wind, or the gentle touch of a hand, would make them ring out happily. If only people were the same.   
The silent redhead watched Omi as he stood behind the counter, carefully counting the money and recording the data into a small compact laptop. He was so diligent about his work. Aya almost smiled to himself, feeling a different kind of peace. Being in the flower shop after closing hours, and just cleaning up, listening to the different sounds, was relaxing. And a relaxing time was welcomed with open-arms with their particular night-job.   
  
He then watched Ken. Ken sat at the table with Yoji, and they were playing cards together. Ken was questioning him about his cards, tossing an adorable frown to his partner, which was terribly close to turning into a temper-tantrum. He tossed down his cards on the table and stood up, leaning over the playboy. Despite his childish tactics, Yoji just smirked and popped a cigarette into his mouth. From the distance, Aya saw Ken wrinkle his nose and give a look of disgruntlement as he reached over and swiped the rolled paper from his friend's mouth. He also saw Yoji's surprised look, then one of slight annoyance as Ken tossed the cigarette into the trash. After that, Yoji and Ken started a heated argument, which quickly ended in more laughs.   
Both assassins were oblivious to Aya's hidden glances towards them. He didn't like how close they were. He didn't like how the blond-haired man was touching Ken's hand. He didn't like the way Ken was looking back at him. And he didn't like the way it made him feel.   
  
Aya remembered when Ken used to belong to him, and he belonged to Ken. He had loved him more then anything. It hadn't been too long ago, either. He still remembered that fluttery touch of Ken's nervous and unseemly gentle hands. They were surprisingly soft despite all their assassinations and killings. He made Aya feel so stained and grimy, yet it wasn't just his hands that made him feel 'different'. Ken unknowingly carried a certain air about him. He was always so naïve and innocent regardless of his night job and his arrogant ways.   
  
Everything about everything reminded Aya of Ken. A rock would remind him of his head-strong stubbornness, or a dog would remind him of his adorable looks, or a watermelon would remind him of how Ken seemed so strong and cocky on the outside, but inside, he was soft and mushy; yet he carried 'faults' like the seeds. It was pitiful, and Aya knew it, but held onto those memories with pride.   
Ken was the only one who could make him feel this way about anyone. Before, the only other person he truly cared about was his sister, but once Ken had entered his life, all had changed between the two of them. Sure, he still loved his sister to pieces, but the love between him and the ex-soccer player was a totally different type of love. It was one of those unspoken, yet heard loves.   
  
At night, he found himself thinking back to their times together. He remembered how just about every night, Ken would wander into his room, carrying his 'special' blanket. He had adopted that blanket about the time that Aya had arrived onto scene; he had spilled it all. At night Ken would snuggle up to his side wrapped up all nice and tight in his 'special' and would chatter quietly to Aya before finally talking himself to sleep. Aya, on the other hand, would stay up late hours just watching Ken sleep, and enjoying the extra warmth that surrounded him.   
Ever since that point in time, Ken had stopped coming to Aya's apartment. No, it hadn't been a certain day or time to recall, it was just a certain 'point in time'. No more late night talks. No more late night snuggles. And no more late night comfort. Aya would find himself staying up all night trying to figure out why he couldn't sleep, then finally it would dawn on him: Ken wasn't there. He would curl up into bed, hugging a pillow, pretending it was Ken, and not a giant squishy piece of cotton wrapped in a case. He would seek that certain warmth that can only be achieved and found through another loved one. He would stare at the door, just waiting for Ken to peek in, confessing he couldn't sleep. Every night. Every day. Every week. He waited, alone, and cold; inside and out.   
  
'you were the first you'll be the last  
wherever you go i'll be with you  
whatever you want i'll give it to you  
whenever you need someone  
to lay your heart and head upon  
remember after the fire after all the rain  
i will be the flame i will be the flame'  
  
Even as much as he felt himself hurting, and as often as he heard those five short words echo through his mind, over and over again, he still loved him. The scene still played through his brain, like a broken record   
It had been on a rainy day; it was unnervingly fitting. Ken had appeared in his room, like usual, but without his 'special', and he was dressed in his day clothes despite the time of night.   
//"Ran…?"// He recalled how he loved the fact that Ken was the only one who used his real name, and the way it rolled from the younger boy's lips. It was always at night when he used it, and it was always so soft and unsure sounding.   
//"What's wrong?"// Aya had answered the unstated, yet obvious question.   
//"I don't love you anymore."// Those five words had bitten unexpectantly into his soul: nipping and tearing mercilessly at his heart. That same heart, which he had opened up fully to the only one whom he loved and truly thought, loved him back.   
And with that, Ken turned around and shut the door softly behind him. Five short and brief words, one quick movement, and all was lost.   
Ken was the first one Aya had honestly loved, and frankly believed would be the last one whom he would ever love. He scoffed at himself summoning up the old memories. The first time Ken met Aya, he had tried to kill him. And the second time they met, Ken gave him a very welcoming punch in the face. It had all been very unusual and awkward moment, yet even though they hadn't gotten off to a great start; they had later become closer then ever. Closer then anyone suspected, closer then they even expected.   
  
Aya's mind zoomed back to the flower shop as Omi waved a hand in front of his face. He blinked a couple of times to clear his mind as he glanced around the store. It was empty except for the two of them. Yoji and Ken had already headed upstairs to their rooms, 'or one of their rooms,' he thought sadly.   
"Aya-kun! It's pretty late. I thought that maybe you would like to head out now…" Omi trailed off as Aya just stared at him questionably. He wasn't sure what was going on. Omi tilted his head slightly to one side before smiling slightly. "Everyone has gone upstairs except you. I came back down to see if you were coming up," he held up the keys to the shop." Or you can close and lock up if you want to come up later." Aya ran a hand through his hair before taking the keys and palming them.   
"Arigato, Omi," the younger boy smiled back in a friendly manner before going upstairs to retire for the night. Aya, on the other hand, sat down at the table in the shop. The lights had been turned off and with keys in hand he sat down to think. Alone now, he let his thoughts wander away for a nice trip.   
  
He recalled the day a week ago or so when Ken had wandered into the shop, all dirty and muddy from the previous soccer match. The only different thing about him was his fallen face. Aya had just given him a blank look, but inside he was struggling to keep his mask up. He desperately wanted to rush up to Ken and let him rest his crumpled pride on someone else. Him.   
Yet, soon after, Ken had squashed Aya's pride and heart. But, even after everything that had happened; those five words, the closing of the door, and the ignorance and overlooking; Aya still wanted to be the one that Ken would run to at night with his 'special' complaining about how he 'lost the soccer game', or how 'so and so wouldn't leave bobby alone,' and how he had ended up as the referee. Aya loved those moments and cherished them above his ribs: right next to his heart.   
He wanted to show Ken that he still loved him and that he would give up anything in the world just to be with him. But, he still held Ken's needs and wants above his own, and so anything that his ex-lover wanted, he would have. No matter the consequences, Aya would be certain that Ken had whatever it was he wanted.   
Aya knew he was pathetic and hated himself for it.   
  
'watchin' shadows movin' cross the wall  
feels so frightenin'  
i wanna run to you i wanna call  
but i've been hit by lightnin'   
just can't stand up for fallin' apart  
can't see through this spell  
i cross my heart over you  
you'll always be the one'  
  
The next day, all four of them were in the flower shop again. Bright and early, Ken and Aya had the first shift, which allowed Yoji and Omi to sleep in. Omi had stayed up late finishing an essay on squids, and like always, Yoji had gone out late partying. He had left Ken alone at night. Aya hadn't slept again that night and heard the TV upstairs blaring out from Ken's apartment. He knew that Ken had fallen asleep on the couch waiting up for the blond.   
That upset Aya. If Yoji was the one that had stolen Ken from him, then he should at least treat the brown-haired boy with a little more of his self-deserved respect. Ken had done everything short of physically throwing himself down at Yoji's feet, and begging to be loved.   
  
"Aya…?" Again, Ken's voice rang out, echoing against the empty room: uncertain and nervous.   
"What." He was curt, and regretted it once he said it. Yet, he kept his eyes trailed on the far wall, pretending to be noting the repairs needed in the shop.   
"Where do you want the potted soil to go?" With that, Aya glanced over to Ken, who was holding a fifteen-pound bag of dirt. He motioned with his head towards the back room. Ken smiled uneasily at the red haired man before shuffling over slowly to the door.   
Aya watched him head towards the door the backroom. He saw him fumble for the knob while attempting to keep a hand on the bag. He wanted to go help the ex-soccer player, but couldn't. For some reason, he couldn't move. It wasn't his place to help him anymore. Finally, Ken managed to open the door by bracing his knee against the wall and resting the peat soil on his leg while using his free hand to open the stubborn door.   
"Yosh…" Aya heard Ken mutter to himself, quietly congratulate himself on his succeeding at opening the door. Even though it was a small thing, Aya felt proud.   
  
Finally, Omi had taken the shifts over with Yoji, which left Ken and Aya free to leave. Ken grinned happily and whipped off his apron before sloppily hanging it on the rack as he rushed upstairs to get his soccer gear. Just like clockwork, he went to practice soccer. Not only did he love the sport, but it also kept him and his reflexes in shape.   
"Oi, Aya." Aya looked up at the sound of his name and found himself face to face with Yoji.   
"What," he slapped up a blank face again and stared into the face of a fidgeting man. Yoji rubbed the back of his neck and nudged his sunglasses up on his nose.   
"I was wondering if you could…err," he paused and Aya waited patiently for him to continue. "Take over my shift for today." He finished the sentence in a rush. Aya only blinked a couple times, trying to access all the information before nodding curtly.   
"Fine." Yoji grinned broadly and slapped him on the back.   
"Arigato gozaimasu! I owe you BIG time," Aya smiled sadly at that. 'Yes, you do. You stole my only love from me.' Even though he held bitter thoughts towards the blond haired man, he only wished for Ken to be happy; and so those thoughts slid past first, second, and third base towards home. Safe. Yoji pulled off his apron lazily and hung it on the hook next to Ken's before casually walking out the room up towards Ken's apartment.   
Aya watched him as he left before turning around, only to find himself, this time, meeting the gaze of Omi. Omi only gave him a soft smile before returning to his computer work.   
Work was slow that day. But then again, Thursday's never seemed to be busy days. The rush days were always at the beginning of the week, and the week-ends, so all that were left were the middle days in the week, which left the assassins to be pretty much free of swarms of people. Sure, there were random people who wandered in looking at the flowers. Some bought something, others didn't. It was like life. Life has good days, and life has bad days.   
  
Later, during that slow day, Ken wandered back into the flower shop, alone, muddy and dirty from soccer practice. For some reason, Aya felt a strange feeling of déjà vu. Ken's face, again, held the look of disappointment, but this time, Aya knew it wasn't from losing the soccer match. He knew it went deeper then a game. Well it was a kind of game, just not the typical type of game.   
Yoji had been playing with Ken's heart again. He had picked it up, tossed it around a couple times, then tossed it down to go play with later.   
  
"Welcome back!" Omi's cheerful voice rang out into the empty shop.   
"Hn." A soft grunt was the only response from the clumsy brown-eyed boy. Aya desperately wanted to go over to the boy and comfort him, but yet again, fought down the urge. There was a certain 'spell' woven over his own heart. And that particular spell consisted of a huge chunk of self-will, a little bit of love and pride, and finally with some self-respect all mixed together. If all those things were added into the same mixing bowl with Aya, then the spell would pretty much be impossible to break.   
  
'you were the first you'll be the last  
wherever you go i'll be with you  
whatever you want i'll give it to you  
whenever you need someone  
to lay your heart and head upon  
remember after the fire after all the rain  
i will be the flame i will be the flame'  
  
He watched as Ken shuffled past him and up the stairs. Soon after, a frowning Yoji entered the shop. He glanced around towards Omi, and then towards Aya, whom he held his gaze with for a soft second before he dashed up the stairs.   
Aya knew where the blond was going, and he knew what the blond would do. It happened the same, every day. Things seemed to become routine when it came to a certain soccer player. The playboy would flirt with someone, which would in turn upset the claw-wielding assassin. That assassin would then have a broken heart. So, while nursing that broken heart, Ken would return back to his apartment and go to his room where he would curl up on his bed and sniffle his feelings out until Yoji could shoo away some of his pride and go upstairs to comfort his lover.   
He could remember when he used to be the one who would silently and privately comfort Ken. He would be the one giving him those hugs and caresses that seemed to calm him down as well. He was the one that was supposed to be there, not Yoji. But the way the he wanted things were not the same as the way the things actually were, unfortantly.   
  
And so, even after Yoji was long gone, gone on to bigger and better things, Ken had given up on the playboy. The whole episode was long forgotten by most, except Aya. Yes, he still remembered it all like it had just happened yesterday. To everyone else, it was just like middle school crush that came, and went, quickly.   
It was Just like a Mayfly. It was born; it lived, and then died.   
It was just like a summer shower, nice and sunny one day, and then the summer shower would drift over, rain a little, before floating off. Even after that summer shower, Aya was the only one left standing. And so he stood, proud yet wounded.   
He, himself, stood there with a patch and that spell sewn over his aching heart. He was the flame. It was a flame that could withstand anything from heat, rain, and storms. The flame that was eternal; just like his love.   
  
after notes : ::ducks the flying pikachus and Crawford plushies:: I know I know! It totally reeked, and it was absolutely predictable, but its 3:00 in the morning, and I just wanted it finished! ::wails:: sorry! Sorry! And I know I made poor Aya seem…so pathetic. I didn't want it to end like that, but it did! And Ken was just, bah ::doesn't even want to go there!:: I'm really sorry! Anyway, flames are greatly accepted along with a few random comments ^_^;;;; Thank you for reading through this thing. Give yourself a nice pat on the back from me! (PS. This wasn't edited, so it's still considered 'raw' so ignore any spelling mistakes, or grammer mess-ups for now. Thank you.) 


End file.
